You’re the center of your own universe, and that’s okay. Everything we do affects us and those closest to us. We have main character energy in our own little movies. But, just remember, everyone else’s lives, emotions, and actions don’t revolve around us. Therefore, taking things personally, when they usually aren’t, is constantly difficult.
So how do we prevent ourselves from getting upset when things seem personal? There are disagreements, belief differences, etc. How do you avoid harboring resentment and the tendency to spiral?
Change the focus
Put yourself in their shoes. It’s easier said than done. Ask yourself some questions when trying to do this. “Could they be jealous or envious of you? Maybe they have insecurities. What is their family role? Try to understand what the person is feeling and thinking and what is their capacity to convey it,” suggests addiction, relationship, and wellness specialist Erica Spiegelman.
Try not to jump to conclusions that what they say or how they act is personal
“Most of the time, people are projecting their own biases, their issues, and their needs onto you!” Spiegelman said.
Did they just make a rude remark about you as a person, or on differing beliefs based on differing upbringings, social circles, or past traumas? If you know a lot about their past or their current situation, try meeting them with compassion, instead of an angry defense. Pull yourself together, and reflect on the fact that their actions are a result of their own emotions, which you could actually help support them.
Will it matter in five years?
“Ask yourself, what was just said, does it really matter? And will it impact you in five years? If it’s not worth fussing over, let it go,” Spiegelman advises.
“Letting go” is the key theme here, but that takes practiced action. Try breathing practices and stepping away before seeing anyone when conversations get tense.
Emotions are not meant to to be pressed down, so you need to feel them. Don’t allow yourself to harbor them and make them about you, personally. Become emotionally well-lubricated. And what better time to start than now?
