We pretty much all understand the concept of love: it’s a complex feeling. But falling in love? Staying in love? That’s difficult. It (pretty much) always begins with dating. You can’t fall in love without getting to know a person, right? And you do that through, what? Dates. So, we’ve adjusted a little guidebook of how to navigate dating… the ins and outs of it, if you will. This doesn’t mean you will find your soulmate, but it might help you feel like dating is less of a job interview from now on (who wants that?).
Here goes:
The Dos
- DO talk to him prior to the actual date. And by talk, we mean on the actual phone (old school). You get to hear his voice and can tell if there’s something off. If everything goes well, you will get excited for the upcoming date and have more to talk about on the actual date. The connection is half the battle.
- DO drive/walk/subway/Uber yourself to the first date. Unless you already know him, don’t give a stranger your address. There are psychos in the world and you don’t want to become a statistic. Plus, the drive home with him might become uncomfortable if you’re not into him, so why put yourself through that? And if he doesn’t pick you up, it’s much easier to escape a bad date.
- DO go on a date if someone sets you up. Unless they’re showing red flags or non-negotiables, be open to being set up. Sometimes the people around you know you better than you think, and they really do want what’s best for you. You’ll never know until you put yourself out there.
- DO let it all go. Let go of all of the baggage weighing on you from past relationships, fear of any upcoming dates/relationships, etc. Negativity is a bad place to start. Try to be the most positive version of yourself, despite whatever you’ve been through. This may be easier said than done. But practice makes perfect.
The Don’ts
- DON’T lie about who you are. Think about it: you want the guy to like you for you, right? So why tell stories to make you sound cooler? Chances are if he sticks around (or did his homework on you), awkwardness will ensue. You’re awesome as you are, just stick with the truth.
- DON’T go for a short date. If you are serious about getting serious, then why would you say yes to a 30 minute drink date? You might think that’s enough time to tell if you vibe with him, but it’s not. People are usually very nervous on the first date, and chances are they aren’t totally themselves within 30 minutes. There’s no need to stretch it out to a four-hour date, but there’s a reason people have been going on dinner dates as their first dates for ages… They work.
- DON’T be scared to do day dates. So many people are anxious about first dates enough as it is, and on top of that some people are scared about the lighting of day dates. But the truth is, day dates can be more fun. And when you have more fun with someone, you tend to form a closer bond. So why wouldn’t you want to go on a day date?
- DON’T have word diarrhea on the first date. He doesn’t need to know (or want to know) your entire life story, like how you used to be called Hairy Hailey in high school, or the time you vomited in front of a whole a fraternity party. Save that talk for your therapist. As far as dating goes – especially first dates – less is more. And don’t hog the conversation. Ask him questions, listen, and respond appropriately.
- DON’T take anything personally. Whether it’s rejection, discouragement, disinterest, nothing that he does is about you. It’s about him and his problems. It’s easy to take things personally, even when you know you shouldn’t. Chances are if he’s not vibing with you, you’re not vibing with him, so don’t take it personally. Instead, think of it as you just escaped a lifetime of unhappiness.
The right person will come along eventually. Dating takes time…and practice.
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