Everyone has at some point felt nervous in a social situation, whether it’s going to a party, striking up conversations with strangers, asking someone out, or meeting your significant other’s parents. Sometimes the social anxiety starts to become so overwhelming that you begin to avoid social situations and dread socializing with others.
Research shows that 7 to 13 percent of people struggle with social anxiety. People with social anxiety often fear being negatively evaluated by others. They have low confidence in social situations and believe they are not liked or respected. These beliefs may begin to cause anxiety and fear in other areas of life. Sometimes, it causes them to be withdrawn and harsh in social situations, leading others to assume they are unfriendly and unapproachable when really, they want to have meaningful connections.
If this sounds familiar, you’re probably wondering what you can do about this issue. There are a few things, actually. Here are three tips to overcome social anxiety.
- Train your negative thoughts
Each emotion and behavior is preceded by a thought. However, thoughts are not facts. They are mental events that don’t line up with reality. In other words, it’s important to adopt the attitude that thoughts do not equal truth.
Next time you notice a negative feeling, ask yourself, “What was I thinking prior to this emotion or reaction?” Once you identify the thought, examine it. Consider if the thought is valid, impartial, and realistic.
2. Stop anticipatory anxiety in its tracks
Our social fears are typically rooted in the future or what you fear may happen in a specific social setting, and we usually form worst-case scenarios in our minds. If we can bring our thoughts back to the present moment and take things by baby steps, it starts to be less overwhelming to follow through with plans, and helps when you are in a dreaded situation.
If you notice yourself thinking of all of the horrible things that may occur at a future social event, take a few deep inhales and direct your attention back to the present. You can do this by focusing on a physical object around you such as a cup, chair, or pillow. Reach out and physically touch the object, observing its texture and how it feels in or on your hand. Once you’re in the actual feared situation, aim your attention outwards (i.e. really listening to what your friend is saying) instead of to your own thoughts.
3. Face your fears
The more you steer clear of social situations, the larger the fear gets, because every time you avoid an uneasy situation, you take away an opportunity to challenge your fears and learn that they are likely untrue. So, challenge yourself with one social experiment every week. Think about this the way you would training for a big race: the more you do it, the stronger your social skills become.
You can also use a laddering technique – starting small and building gradually – to deal with your most dreaded situations. Write down what you are afraid will happen you’re about to enter a feared circumstance. Afterwards, jot down what actually happened. You’ll realize that most of the time your worst fears are not what happen, and every time you’re able to get through an uncomfortable social situation you’ll realize you’re more resilient that you give yourself credit for.
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