When we talk about intimacy, we usually think it means something sexual. However, intimacy goes beyond the bedroom. Intimacy is connecting on the deepest level emotionally, vulnerably, energetically, and spiritually to one another. It doesn’t just have to be with a partner, it can be with friends, family, or someone else in your life. Below we list some forms of intimacy that aren’t sexual that we need to pay more attention to, more often, and explain what they are.
Listening
One of our deepest needs and desires is to be listened to.When someone close to you listens to you, they are:
- investing in what you’re saying
- connecting with you
- care about how you feel
When a person is truly listening, they aren’t seeking distractions (i.e. looking at their phone). A person who is truly listening will have good eye contact with you and hear you without needing to interrupt, rush, or redirect the conversation.
Compliments/Affirming words
Everyone loves to be complimented. Our serotonin gets a major boost when we receive compliments or flattering words. Compliments and words of affirmation allow us to feel worthy and good about ourselves. This feeling creates intimacy between the person giving the compliment and the one receiving.
Gift giving
It’s not about the gift. It’s about the fact that someone has thought about giving you a gift and taken the time and energy to consider what you would love. Many of us have received gifts that aren’t quite our speed. When we realize that gift giver put a lot of thought into the gift, even if it wasn’t something we really liked, it creates intimacy and connection. This is because being thought of feels amazing, even if the gift itself isn’t the best.
Laughter
Laughter is the best medicine. When we laugh, play, goof around, drop the seriousness, and share inside jokes with our friends, partners, or loved ones, intimacy is created. Life can be too serious at times, but sharing laughter with loved ones and friends and having playful and silly moments boosts your connection with lightness and creates intimacy.
Mutual interests
Sharing interests, or displaying an interest in what someone is reading, watching, doing or listening to and how they feel about that interest, strengthens an intimate bond. Even if you’re interests aren’t totally in line, ask questions and show that you’re interested in their interests because of how you feel about them as a person. Speak with your loved ones about their favorite music at the moment, the books their reading, or movies they recently watched. Show an interest in their interests and you may surprise yourself by discovering something you had not even thought you’d be interested in before.
Affection
Hugging and nonsexual physical touch increases serotonin, a neurotransmitter known as the “feel good” hormone. Serotonin allows us to feel happy, calm, and confident which in turn allows intimacy to deepen. These forms of touching also cause your brain to release oxytocin, which is also known as the “bonding hormone”. Bonding is intimacy. Whether you’re hugging a romantic partner, friend, or family member, know that it is increasing your intimacy within the connection.
Quiet time
Shockingly enough, just sitting in a pause between conversations with a friend or loved one is intimacy. Just being present in each other’s company without having to fill the silence shows that you are connected to one another on a level that goes beyond words. Sitting in silence of each other’s presence is true intimacy.
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