Thinking about meeting a stranger on the Internet face-to-face in order to see if there’s a romantic connection feels like an automatic hard NO. It’s so awkward if one or both of you aren’t interested, and you cringe at the idea of finishing the date when you already know you never want to see this person again. Perhaps you aren’t even aware of your dating anxiety. You just tell yourself and the world that you’re “Too busy,” but if you were to meet the right person, you’d be open to it.
The good news? Dating anxiety is totally normal, especially when we start to actually like someone. Naturally, people want to make their dating anxiety disappear, but that usually doesn’t work. Here’s why: When you’re searching for a significant other, your desire is high, combined with the fear of getting hurt, as well as the fear of being judged, (especially if you’ve experienced rejection and ridicule in past relationships) so naturally, your brain is going to feel anxious when you put yourself out there again. So, below we explain how to manage your dating anxiety, versus getting rid of it.
Accept that anxiety is part of the process
When you accept the anxiety to be present, you are more likely to keep the search for love going, versus wallow in the anxiety, react off of it, and then decide to not go after what you actually want – real love.
Identify what is actually the cause of your anxiety
Dating anxiety will be differ for individual, so figure out what exactly is it for you.
Are you scared you’ll be rejected? Are you opposed to putting in precious time to loads of strangers who end up being nos? Nervous all of the good ones are gone? Pursuing awareness on what the real cause of your dating anxiety is can often diffuse it simply by getting to the root of it.
Manage the reason why you’re anxious
Insecure about your appearance or your current financial status? Worried you’ll miss some major red flags? This step might seem contradictory, because on the one hand, we’re suggesting that you accept your anxiety in step one, but on the other, you do have the opportunity to practice new ways to manage whatever it is that’s actually causing your anxiety.
For example, if you’re worried someone won’t like you for you, your work is to learn how to love YOU for you—not change yourself into someone you’re not just hoping that they’ll be interested in you. Or, if you’re over going on a bunch of dates with people who you think wasted your time, try reconnecting with your desire to find love and see if you can transfer your thoughts on whether or not it’s true that someone you’re ultimately not interested in truly was a waste of time.
Maybe, remembering your “why” behind your search for love inspires a willingness to go on 200 dates in order to find your person.
Remember that dating can still be fun
Don’t forget that the search is for love. Love is thrilling, joyful, magical, and fun. Even if the person you’re seeing doesn’t end up being your person, you may still have a great story or a learning lesson you didn’t know you needed that leads you to the right person.
What you do have is the ability to tap into good, fun energy. What feels fun for you? What topics of conversation are fun? Does dressing up for date night feel fun? If so, buy or borrow a cute top or dress. Pick a fun place to meet up!
When you make your dating journey fun, you will attract the good energy you want, and even better, you’ll disperse some of the natural anxiety you’re experiencing in the process.
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