This time of year can be triggering for many people. We find ourselves back in family situations that may trigger, uproot, cross boundaries, and bring us back to a period of time where we didn’t feel appreciated, respected, or in control. It doesn’t matter that you’ve been practicing self care and wellness. These feelings just seem to pop back up.
Although you may be incorporating healthy practices into your life, it’s pretty normal to feel yourself lose grip of your tools the moment you walk back into your childhood home, get that look from your father, hear that first bit of criticism from your mother, or feel the judgement about what you’re doing with your life from your brothers or sisters.
First of all, you are not required to travel to see your family for the holidays. You have the right to say no. Your job in this world is not to take care of the emotional health of others at the expense of yourself. Just know, it’s okay to skip out.
If you do choose to go and have some concerns, here are some ways to navigate boundaries with your family.
Make a plan for yourself in preparation
This might include how long you stay, where you’re going to stay, and if you’ll need a vehicle in case you choose to leave. You may consider communicating some of the plan ahead of time. Remember you’re not asking permission – you’re letting everyone know what you will be doing.
Get clear on your expectations
It’s easy to become hopeful that interactions with certain family members may be different than before. If someone pleasantly surprises you, good, but for now, remind yourself ahead of time what it is you ought to expect and how to handle it when it presents itself. It you expect your aunt to make mention of you being single again, you’ll be prepared for how to respond ahead of time.
Use nature
Go outside every day. Create space for yourself. Be intentional with leaving the home to go for a walk, to grab coffee (even if there’s some at the house), or to go journal at a park. If you live somewhere cold, just move your energy. Go to a coffee shop, visit a bookstore, or just bundle up and allow yourself to get present to the beauty around you.
Don’t sacrifice your emotional well-being for others
Say it to yourself every day. Say it in any moment you need it. If you share the holidays with a partner, ask them to support you and remind you of this. If you aren’t with someone, use a friendship (via text). Come home to this over and over again.
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