“In a fight, there is always a difference of opinion on who is right and who is wrong and why they started the fight,” says Jeff Yoo, LMFT at the Moment of Clarity Health Center. “The perceived thought can be blown up into something completely out of range of reality at the moment.”
He continues, “Stewing and brewing creates internal unhappiness and bitterness that keeps one from growing and progressing into their best selves.”
Below, Yoo shares ways to keep a small fight from spiraling into a bigger one.
- “Once emotions take over and logic is not working, stop, and walk away. It takes two to fight.”
- “Be patient. Take time before returning to the discussion, make no demands, no threats, no expectations. Think, think, think. This helps you check yourself and your part in the fight.”
- “Take time to breathe, excuse yourself, go to a safe place (another room), practice deep breathing that will allow your anxiety to lessen and you are able to think it through before reacting.”
- “Don’t show up for a fight. If you know there is a fight brewing, take the higher road by not participating.”
- “Know the facts, regardless of who is right or wrong.”
- “Get advice, and see a trained therapist in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).”
Why those particular modalities? “DBT is an evidence-based therapy that originated from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT),” Yoo explains.
“The primary goal is to help patients build a mentally healthy life by improving their ability to manage emotions.” The methods are meant to help you work logically through an issue instead of using emotion. “A better way of explaining may be to think of it as translating your thoughs and then transcribing what is actually taking place,” he says.
“Coming from a place of mindfulness and cognitively working through a conflict while looking at the benefit for resolution in comparison to the consequences of an ongoing battle,” he says, “would be your best defense in stopping a fight before it spirals into a huge one.”
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